Deez is a breakthrough.
Deez uses the latest and greatest technology to get you
exactly what you want.
How? The best way. With the best tech.
That is the Deez promise.
To solve your problem, Deez will now perform a
one-time biometric scan.
Do not be alarmed. Deez knows what it is looking for.
Nothing is uploaded. Nothing is stored. Everyone is safe.
The biometric scan must be calibrated to your hardware.
You tapped four screens for this.
You just placed your boys on a phone screen because a mate sent you a link. Honestly? Respect.
What Deez actually does: your equipment makes real contact points on the
touchscreen. Deez fits shapes to those actual points — a genuine (terrible) trace of
the placement — then exaggerates it for comedy. It is simultaneously real telemetry
and complete slander.
18+, consenting owners of the equipment only. Scan yourself, not others.
Privacy: no camera, no photos, no account, no analytics, no server. Scans never
leave your phone. Ballchain links contain only outline coordinates, the names you type,
and a chain counter.
The Ballchain™: not a blockchain. Barely a chain. Every scan mints a Nut
Certificate; every challenge forges a link; the depth counter shows how many group
chats deep this thing has travelled. There is no prize. The chain is its own reward.
Not a medical device: Deez cannot detect cancer, fertility, character flaws, or
why she left. Nothing here is medical advice.
The sincere bit: testicular cancer is the most common cancer in young men and
very treatable when caught early. Check yourself monthly:
NHS guide ·
Movember.
Scanning the girls? Breast cancer is the most common cancer in UK women — touch, look,
check monthly:
NHS guide ·
CoppaFeel
Pro tip: Share → Add to Home Screen makes Deez look like a real app, which makes
the prank land harder.